I am a minority. I have been since the day I entered this life.  I’m schizoaffective which less than 1% of the world could relate to. The largest minority group in this country is the ADA. We have and still have so much to overcome. God knows it’s not easy but as a Board Member of NAMI at least I’m trying.


you just might find, you get what you need..

You Cant Always Get What You Want


Just took my nightly meds (Klonipin 3mg, Lithium 900 mg, Lutuda 120 mg, Ambien 10 mg, Lipitor 40 mg, Plavix 75 mg, Tylenol PM and some I can’t remember along with a glass of Merlot. I tell you it’s the ultimate night night cocktail and I would know after a lifetime of insomnia. Latuda is like nothing I’ve ever taken. For the first time ever I’m falling asleep early, like 9:30 – 10:30pm, but I’m waking up wide awake at 3 to 4 am. Used to be I wouldn’t fall asleep until 3 to 4 am and sleep like a rock till noon.

Anyways I just washed down all my meds and Merlot while watching Season 1 Ep 1 of Californication.

Now we all know that The X files are David Duchovny’s best work but I must say the pilot episode of Californication is a fucking classic. It even starts out with my favorite song by my favorite band. I swear if the first 10 minutes doesn’t put a smile on your face your either clinically depressed or you should join a nunnery and or monastery.


Star Wars!!!!! cue the theme music..

I was googling to find out how to reinstall and reactivate a Star Wars Authenticator app as the last time I played in 2013 I was still using my first iphone. I ended up having to call their toll free customer service line and I must say the service rep lady was extremely friendly and helpful. I rejoined the monthly paid player just to see how things go and I’m downloading the game  now. Unlike some other games I’ve always had a great deal of respect for Bioware and especially for Star Wars with its movies, gaming and other interest. Well it does have a pretty long standing reach.

May the force be with..me

Saw my psychiatrist today

I saw my psychiatrist today. I see her every 30 days now. She again raised my anti-psychotic (Latuda) dosage. She has gradually raised by 40 mg every month since she started me at 20 mg a few months ago. Last night I took 80 mg and its still ok. No noticeable side effects, no blunting. The maximum FDA allowed Latuda dosage is 120 mg. Today my psychiatrist raised my Latuda dosage to 120 mg. She told to call if I noticed any problems or side effects. I noticed one very troubling side effect of the 120 mg today already and I haven’t even taken one. When I went to the pharmacy they told my Latuda copay was going to be $80.00. Damn plus six or seven other meds I get filled there that are 5 to 10 dollars each. Thank God Lithium is only $4.00 because I’ll probably never come off of that.

I also asked her,my psychiatrist, if she knew of any good private mental health facilities of hospitals in Georgia. She told me I could probably find my answers with Google. I see her again in 30 days.

On a lighter note..I’m looking forward to my NAMI meeting tonight. They are my friends and kindred spirits and I’m on the board:. )

Now a little bit about my previous post:

I got my dad’s electrician to come over a couple of days ago. He couldn’t get lights to work either and while he couldn’t find a shortage he also told that he didn’t see anything out of place or unusual there and probably the light kit had gone bad. So he installed a whole new light kit and the lights work perfectly now. So I guess that mystery will go unsolved or until something else happens.

Follow Up

in a follow up to my previous post you can see Return to Me anytime if you have Hulu. I just finished it with a lump in my throat. Gets me every time and done just in time to get ready for my bimonthly NAMI meeting. I have no idea what I’m going to say tonight but just being there is such an inspiration that the words just come to me. They really are my other family.


My local NAMI group. Hugs to them all.

About 4 or 5 months ago, actually around the same time I decided leave the MMO known as WoW, I reached out to and joined my local NAMI Chapter. In that time I’ve joined their board and become very active with them. I made lots of good friends too. If I have the blogging energy I will write about some of the adventures I have had with them so far. It’s a great learning experience for me and we reach out and give back too. Please click on brochure link. Sorry but I haven’t figured out how to make a pdf be on display like a pic.

– Van

NAMI Albany Brochure 2015-05





Common side effects of antipsychotic medications include:

  • Blurred vision
  • Dry mouth
  • Drowsiness
  • Muscle spasms or tremors
  • Weight gain

Risperdal or the generic: risperidone

Side Effects

Drowsiness, dizziness, lightheadedness, drooling, nausea, weight gain, or tiredness may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor or pharmacist promptly.

To reduce the risk of dizziness and lightheadedness, get up slowly when rising from a sitting or lying position.

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.

Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: difficulty swallowing, muscle spasms, shaking (tremor), mental/mood changes (such as anxiety, restlessness), signs of infection (such as fever, persistent sore throat).



Ok I’ve been on Risperdal for approx a year and I’ve noticed the occasional dizziness, lightheadedness and I even noticed saliva coming from and down my lips when watching TV or on the PC. I keep a paper towel nearby when this happens. I haven’t really noticed any weight gain and I don’t recall a single episode of nausea. I do however experience tremors or spasms in my hands and fingers when playing xbox or computer input intensive video games. I have talked to my psych recently about my time on risperdal and told her that I did have side effects but I thought it was helping me be more stable and for that it was worth these side effects. She told me that while my med lithium was a permanent long term med she’s hoping Risperdal will only be a short term med for me.

I hope so too.



I went to my first NAMI session tonight not really sure what to expect. I had spoken to them by phone and they said they would be on the outlook for me. It was terrible weather. Cold and heavy rain. I never would’ve been out if not for this first NAMI meeting. I’ve known of NAMI almost since I was diagnosed bipolar in 2001. I remember a few years after that Josie Bissett speaking on behalf of NAMI at the end of a movie, Dare to Love,   where she plays the true life story of a young lady with schizophrenia.  I dont usually go for lifetime movies but I loved that movie and I’m secure enough to say that I’m a guy who had tears in his eyes at the end of it.
Ok so I get to NAMI get out in the wind and rain and make my way inside. The building, rather large building, is actually an off campus wing of the main hospital. Yep same hospital that I spent a week in the pysch ward last year. I asked if I was in the right room they assured me I was and an older gentlemen introduced himself to me and told me he was the one I spoke with by phone. OK HERES WHERE THINGS GET STICKY. I signed a confidentiality form. So I can only speak in general terms about my NAMI meeting because I dont want to get kicked. All I’ll say is people talked about their condition and what they were dealing with and I listened. I told them all about me. I told them I had good friends with bipolar they lived far away. I did join tonight. Paid my 3$ fee and I guess as soon as the paperwork is submitted I’ll be an official NAMI member. They went over many activities and events. I cant even remember them all. Theres a separate class for the family members of patients to educate them as well. Good idea. They even told me I could take a course and train to be a NAMI leader but I’m really more interested in getting involved with advocacy. Select members from all the NAMI chapters in the state of Georgia are going to the state capital next month. Sounds exciting. Honestly part of me wants to go and part of me isnt sure if I’m ready to tackle politics in my first month.

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Banner BarAdvocacy

Sponsored by the Behavioral Health Services Coalition

Tuesday, January 20, 2015
more info

This is a wonderful opportunity for NAMI Georgia’s members and supporters to meet with their legislators. Let’s really get out the troops to show our support for recovery and let everyone know that “Mental Health Matter”!

Left Wow again but with unique opportunity to pay it forward

I recently suspended my wow account this week but over the last approx six years I’ve suspended it many times before. Sometimes suspending with a friend and sometimes just me. This time was a little different because I wasn’t burnt out. WoW has some great gaming qualities but its not the mmo it used to me. Not the mmo I liked. Thinking back to 2008 – 2010 I had so many wow friends I referred to as family. WoW family. I remember logging on and getting hit with a barrage of wispers from different friends. “Lets go do a dungeon, whats the latest gossip”. Some ummm even heavy flirting. One friend of mine, whom we spent some time leveling with even showed me her perfect boobs on webcam. Now that’s the kind of bonding experience true friendships are made of. Oh now don’t worry my wife knows I love boobies. She even calls out to me when True Blood is on “Van their showing boobies.” Besides my wow friends are like a million miles away and even if they lived next door I’d still welcome their bare breast but I would never been unfaithful. Bill Clinton said it best if there is no intercourse there is no sex. Funny I find myself agreeing with democrats more often. But anyways back to wow. I’m disappointed how most all guilds in 2008 used to be close nit families to now too many are a cold board room meeting type guild.

I’m also disappointed in my main which since like 2011 has been a resto shammy. A very successful even ranked resto shammy seems to have lost a step. Idk if its me or shammy class changes or my med changes or combo of all three but I don’t like my numbers anymore. A few years ago when we ran our own guild I used to check them after ever pull. Celebrate them. Screenshot them. Now they leave me disappointed in myself and try as I might I couldn’t find a remedy and I wasn’t doing any good for my cold as a republican corporate board room guild and frankly I was tired of the chill in the air. So I exited the building and took a break from the game, a game that has so much potential, to pursue some far more serious real life issues, pay it forward, but I’ll speak more of that in my next blog.

Funny thing about blogs. They never die they just take long breaks.