IF ONLY I HAD A DREAM

I am a minority. I have been since the day I entered this life.  I’m schizoaffective which less than 1% of the world could relate to. The largest minority group in this country is the ADA. We have and still have so much to overcome. God knows it’s not easy but as a Board Member of NAMI at least I’m trying.

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you just might find, you get what you need..

You Cant Always Get What You Want

 

Just took my nightly meds (Klonipin 3mg, Lithium 900 mg, Lutuda 120 mg, Ambien 10 mg, Lipitor 40 mg, Plavix 75 mg, Tylenol PM and some I can’t remember along with a glass of Merlot. I tell you it’s the ultimate night night cocktail and I would know after a lifetime of insomnia. Latuda is like nothing I’ve ever taken. For the first time ever I’m falling asleep early, like 9:30 – 10:30pm, but I’m waking up wide awake at 3 to 4 am. Used to be I wouldn’t fall asleep until 3 to 4 am and sleep like a rock till noon.

Anyways I just washed down all my meds and Merlot while watching Season 1 Ep 1 of Californication.

Now we all know that The X files are David Duchovny’s best work but I must say the pilot episode of Californication is a fucking classic. It even starts out with my favorite song by my favorite band. I swear if the first 10 minutes doesn’t put a smile on your face your either clinically depressed or you should join a nunnery and or monastery.

 

Saw my psychiatrist today

I saw my psychiatrist today. I see her every 30 days now. She again raised my anti-psychotic (Latuda) dosage. She has gradually raised by 40 mg every month since she started me at 20 mg a few months ago. Last night I took 80 mg and its still ok. No noticeable side effects, no blunting. The maximum FDA allowed Latuda dosage is 120 mg. Today my psychiatrist raised my Latuda dosage to 120 mg. She told to call if I noticed any problems or side effects. I noticed one very troubling side effect of the 120 mg today already and I haven’t even taken one. When I went to the pharmacy they told my Latuda copay was going to be $80.00. Damn plus six or seven other meds I get filled there that are 5 to 10 dollars each. Thank God Lithium is only $4.00 because I’ll probably never come off of that.

I also asked her,my psychiatrist, if she knew of any good private mental health facilities of hospitals in Georgia. She told me I could probably find my answers with Google. I see her again in 30 days.

On a lighter note..I’m looking forward to my NAMI meeting tonight. They are my friends and kindred spirits and I’m on the board:. )

Now a little bit about my previous post:

I got my dad’s electrician to come over a couple of days ago. He couldn’t get lights to work either and while he couldn’t find a shortage he also told that he didn’t see anything out of place or unusual there and probably the light kit had gone bad. So he installed a whole new light kit and the lights work perfectly now. So I guess that mystery will go unsolved or until something else happens.

Return to Me

Have you ever seen Return to Me? Bonnie Hunt directed and stars in it. So does David Duchovny. It’s one of Wendy and I favorites. It’s so innocent it could be on the Hallmark channel. You could let first graders watch it still I loved it.  I’ll always remember it because I was re-watching it on dvd one morning about 15 years ago. It was about 9am and I was alone and unaware of the world outside, We lived in an upstairs apartment then and our daughter was still a toddler though Wendy never left her with me. “What if you have another episode” She’d say. So she dropped her off at her mother’s house every morning leaving me alone for the day. I’d only been diagnosed bipolar 6 months earlier and my schizoaffective diagnosis and first bottle of antipyschotics would come a month or so after that day. Anyways the TV series that David Duchovny starred in was probably my favorite which is why I rented the movie he starred in loved it and was re-watching it  when Wendy called me from work and told me to turn the DVD off and to turn the TV on. That morning was September 11th 2001. I spent the next three days watching a real life X-file. One that still impacts so much off what we do today. Anyways I really recommend “Return to Me,” named after a Dean Martin song, if you need to return to a more innocent time.