I go for a stress test in the morning. As if I don’t treadmill enough these days. All those wires /sigh. Anyways I’m not worried. Not scared a bit except for getting bored as I have to be there at Cardio at 6:30 am and it last 4 to 6 hours. Thank God for podcast.
I was diagnosed adhd in August of 1999 and although I wasn’t and hadn’t seen a psychiatrist ever at that point I was seeing a therapist LCMS, psychologist and a general MD. I would see them at their clinic for about 18 months. Those 18 months – what a long strange trip they were. They were prescribing for me effexor and adderall for the adhd. I cant remember my starting adderall dosage but they would give me these written test and computer sound reaction test and of course all those “free association” talks. In a few months my adderall dosage was at 30mg x 3 times a day for a total of 90 mg a day. I liked being on adderall. I didn’t notice any real problems and it definitely helped my adhd big time. Way more focused at work and at life. The MD told me I may notice the occasional dry mouth and to just drink a glass of water and LOL he also said I may notice a somewhat decrease in libido. HA! That never happened. In fact I did notice in hind sight a few manic episodes that may have been at least contributed to by the adderall. I don’t know. In stead of blaming adderall I would rather accept accountability myself for my actions back then. So instead I will just blame it all on bipolar 😀 Ok joking aside I really was an un medicated, undiagnosed and untreated out of control bipolar at the time the years of 2000 – 2001.
From what I know now I personally think I should have been hospitalized and stabilized with lithium or some other bipolar mood stabilizer. All my family, friends and coworkers most all of whom hadn’t even graduated from college yet all instantly became Medical school graduates and psych medical experts and so they formed a panel of “experts” and blamed my episodes on this new substance called adderall. In March of 2001 I finally begin to see a psychiatrist, Dr Alderman, who correctly diagnosed me with bipolar and adhd but she didn’t want me to take a stimulant for the adhd. She offered Strattera which was about like drinking water. So I was just on depakote and wellbutrin for approx a year. I hated depakote and switched to lithium in 2002 and been on it ever since. I remember times along the way taking Topamax which was ok and abilify and Zyprexa which I very much hated. Still all along the way I stuck with Lithium even if it meant so many blood work trips. I have good veins I’m told. I respected and admired Dr. Alderman. I even made 2 hour trips back to Macon every 3 months when we moved to the Albany area in 2007. In 2008 I was told she was on a 90 day medical leave but her office would call in all my refills. She returned from her cancer treatment and I saw her one more time. She had here own office at that point and what was supposed to be a 15 minute med checkup turned into an hour long soul searching talk about life, Christianity about what heaven will be like and even the McCain – Obama election that was heating up then. She never hid that fact that she was a devout Christian and taught Sunday School at First Baptist Church so I was surprised at one thing she said that day. She said that she was self insured now or something like that and with the cancer treatments and more to come that she was going to vote for Obama instead of the conservative pro life party. “OMG really???” I said. She said she had been treating patients for so long and worked for so many hospitals and now her own cancer she had long wanted for socialized medicine for our country. It wasn’t long before she went on leave again for brain surgery for cancer tumors. Her office called in the next few refills. She died in 2009 and I was referred to another psychiatrist. I didn’t really like making the 2 hour trip for this thin little pale looking man but tried to stick with it. He stopped seeing me due to my being late and missing apt’s so often. Fine by me. No loss there. I looked at the local hospital here and found that there was a middle aged female psychiatrist who was very popular but hard to get an appointment with. I tried and was told she wasn’t taking any new patients so I took the new guy who just started. He turned out to be ok I guess. Nice fellow and he signed my refills for me and even let me have klonipin and ambien which where both new to me. NO BENZO’s was my old doc’s strict rule. Not even ambien which she called addictive junk. Don’t get me wrong she was awesome and widely loved by her patients but I guess she had treated one too many substance abuse cases in her career. I knew that even as much as I felt it helped me that I’d never see an adderall again for the rest of my life. I saw this new local doc for about 18 months until he left for a hospital in another state. I again asked the office if I could see that lady pychtrist here. Again I was told that she wasn’t seeing any new patients except sometimes children. Damn!
Maybe a month later, which brings us to current dates on our time line aka 2012, my daughter was being treated and still is btw for anorexia. My daughter’s pediatrician referred her to a psychiatrist. I mentioned what about that lady psychiatrist over at the hospital. They said they would try. They succeeded. 🙂 Ok so we go in and this time I am not the patient but one of the parents. We spend approx an hour talking about ED’s and hospital wards and bmi and lots of other stuff. I asked her if I could have a brief few minutes when we were done. She said sure but only a few minutes. I told her my situation and would she take me as a patient because the front desk keeps saying no. She shook my hand and said sure, yes I will. She told me to go make an appt at the desk and for them to check with her if they had any questions. /DANCE
Our first session was very nice. She had my past charts, records, recent blood work and she’s just so smart. She told me that she has two kids of her own. Ummm she doesn’t look it. Anyway’s moving on. I am still on most of the same med’s: lithium and klonipin and we stopped ambien for now as it was no longer effective. More like a sugar pill than a med at this point.
Ok I saw her for the second time today and guess what. You’ll never believe it. We had a long talk today sorta a continuation of our adhd coexisting with bipolar talk in the prior session. You wont believe it. I don’t believe. It must be 1999 or 2000 because I’m holding the bottle in my hand. I’m back on Adderall. 😀
YEA YEA Don’t worry I always strictly follow doctors dosage guidelines. So don’t mistake my excitement for something its not. Anyway’s cant remember when I’ve written this much.
I don’t remember the exact day but I am pretty sure it was the latter part of September last year I finally decided to hang up my totems, box up my tank’s armor, give a last meal to my hunter’s pets and set them free to run wild in a never ending CGI wilderness. I remember Fate and I said we would continue to exchange txt though we never did. I wrote and left a long from the heart valediction on the guild website which stayed up until January. I remember a tearful vent goodbye with Row who I still correspond with from time to time. Tako a bit as well. Shadow a few times and even Lee on Christmas eve. Bats and I have remained good friends, though my previous blog entry may change that, /sigh I try, I really try to stay out of politics but like Rick in Casablanca every man has a limit of how long he can ignore and look the other way.
Anyways I started this post to be about WoW. It’s been one year and it’s a time I feel good about. I thought it would be a hard addiction to break I mean everyone calls it wowcrack. There were days it rained and I didn’t even know it back then. It really hasn’t been difficult though I do miss some of my old wow friends. I dont think that I’ve even once looked back to the game. By the end WoW was more work than fun but there was a time that WoW fun. It’s just that I’ve found that life going forward is much more fun.
I watched Bill Clinton’s long speech at the DNC last night. He gave lots of stats about all manner of things. In the end I wondered if I could trust him. Trust his character and take him at his word or words. He says he worked for us. Apparently he worked really hard.